Inappropriate!

Lauren writes...

I was at my aunt's house when my grandfather started telling a story about what some young teenagers asked him when he was in Russia.  My Nanny interrupted him, saying, "No, Steve!  It's not appropriate!", to which he replied, "AAHHHHH, they are all old enough to hear this!"  He often felt that as an ex-OB/GYN in his 80's he had earned the right to say certain things that, well, might be inappropriate.  This, of course, made what he said that much more funny.  Sitting at the table with me were my parents, future husband, sister, and two cousins.... how bad could this story really be?


Apparently, when my grandparents were travelling in Russia (both of their parents were from Russia), these young kids asked my grandfather in English if he knew what a phrase meant. The phrase happened to be in Italian.  Imagine these young punks' faces when they realized that A) my grandpa knew what the Italian phrase meant, and b) he answered them in Russian, instead of English.
and the phrase was.......

Why don't you climb back into the vagina to get done again.

This story makes me crack up everytime I think of it. Oh if only he knew how much I miss him.....

Party Time!

My grandpa was a truck driver who often had long hauls requiring him to sleep overnight in his rig.  Apparently, in the parking lots of some pretty unsavory truck stops.  One day, when my mom was in high school, my grandpa came home from work in a pretty foul mood.  "Millicent*!" sez my grandpa. "I want you to go get a big piece of posterboard and make me a sign." 

"OK, what do you want on it?"

"I want it to say in big letters, 'I DO NOT WANT TO PARTY'."

"What does that mean?"

"Never mind; just do it.  I'm going to put that sign in the front window of my truck tonight and get some sleep."

Those lot lizards never bothered my grandpa again, because HE DID NOT WANT TO PARTY.


*This is totally not my mom's name.